Get your flu shot this fuckboy season

Urban dictionary had a lot of definitions of the word fuckboy but I went with those most satisfying one that got straight to the point…

A “fuckboy,” is a guy with a body of a man but the mind of a perverted teenager. He has no heart, just a penis he uses to paint the town.
What a very colorful way to say it anonymous person on urban dictionary. But I’m just a fantastic, beautiful girl living in this world trying to make it by, possibly date and find a good guy. But Jesus Christ, these fuckboys are everywhere, every shape and size.
And just when you think you meet a good one, they do some crazy shit that has me mind boggled and I know I’m not the only one.
We’re getting ghosted, stood up, lied too, made a fool of, disrespected and it’s getting ridiculous. The immature little dweebs of the world need to grow up and learn how to actually treat a woman.
Dating in this day an age is like getting lost in the desert only to think you see water but it’s a mirage

A big mirage of bullshit.

You’re probably like, “Where did all of this come from Ali?”

Let’s just say, I’ve had a few run ins lately and well it’s the holidays and what better way to be festive then to set this firework and go in on some of the guys of my past while also giving you some pretty extraordinarily wonderful tips.
Throughout the years, I’ve become better at figuring out if someone is a fuckboy or not just by looking at them, do I always listen to my instincts, no… but that’s not the point.
But the audience asked for this content of writing and I finally listened, you’re welcome.

Here are 5 things to watch for to see if the guy you are talking to is a fuck boy.

1. He ditches you

The first couple of times, he may come up with these fabulous excuses and you actually feel bad for him. Because that’s what they do, they turn things around and manipulate the situation. If someone is ditching you, they clearly don’t care about your feelings, or your time and have no respect whatsoever. If you took the time out of your busy schedule to make plans and they don’t show up, or not even respond to you. You need to delete their number and permanently delete them from your brain. And of course they’re going to reach out once you don’t answer. Their brain is chemically wired to be an idiot. They didn’t have time for you, so girl put your best boots on and keep walking.

I actually was just seeing someone, who I can use as a complete example. First off he’s an idiot, second I jumped ship before anything else happened. He was super nice at first but then started standing me up. I work everyday and if I make time for you out of my schedule soccer boy you best believe I’m going to be pissed when you don’t show up or better yet don’t answer. And if you’re wondering who soccer boy is oh don’t worry you’ll meet him soon enough.
There will be a guy out there that will treat you as his main priority and give you all the time in the world and that is the guy you deserve ladies, not these ding dongs who don’t know what up from down is.

2. Has no standards/ cheats

If a guy has a perfect girl right infront of them and still needs to fuck everything he sees, or let’s not even go that far just needs to make out with anything he comes across…. RUN. These are the guys that are insecure within themselves they need attention 24/7 and they don’t care where they get it. Like I said you could be beautiful, smart, wonderful in every way and he still finds the need to go find attention somewhere else, that is his problem to fix and something you have no business dealing with.

I mean we all know I’ve had my experience with cheating exes, I mean I’m in this big mood right now where I want to name drop but

Ali get your shit together.

If they cheat once, they’ll do it again. And I know that’s so redundant to say but it’s true. Guys that cheat need a lot of growing to do within themselves to actually be happy and content with one person. Don’t waste your time. And for the standards part of it… oh boy.
I mean without saying any names but I’m apparently not, “attractive,” to someone I used to have quite a bit of feelings for and he likes to make out with anything that moves. And the thing is I know I’m fucking beautiful and great and if this person wants to make out with rocks instead of diamonds have fun swapping your spit with those questionable chromosomes.
You can’t change how a person feels, but as long as you are secure within yourself you’re a fucking rockstar.
{Insert dance solo now}

Damn, I feel like I’m going to hard right now. But like my fingers are typing and they can’t stop, and I haven’t even had one sip of tequila.

(According to certain people, tequila makes me aggressive.)

But blah, they are just being haters. TEQUILA MAKES ME SPEAK TRUTH and if you can’t handle the heat, you should back away slowly.

Onward to number 3…

3. Liars

I only got one thing to say to that, WE KNOW WHEN YOU’RE LYING. We just pick our battles. You think when you tell us females some crazy plot twist story that makes no sense we actually take your word for it. Oh, the underestimation is real. Sometimes we choose to just deal with it because we are stuck in this relationship and we’ve all been with a guy like this. I mean all the lies I’ve heard over the years I always wished I could go back in time and stick up for myself and just walk away but I never did. But I’m older and wiser now and liars are the biggest fuckboy around. Anyone that can bold face lie to you is not worthy of your love or attention.

I dated a coworker once and he started lying at the end all the time only to find out he was cheating on me. It’s the little things in life that really make you want to run over people with cars.

But luckily he’s out of my life and that gives me more content to show all of you what not to do.

4. If they don’t text you back or take hours to respond

I’m sorry but it takes about 2 seconds out of your day to look at a text message and respond. I have friends that have full time jobs in an office, restaurant and full time mothers. I even have friends that are nurses and they can still get back to me while working in a field where they literally save peoples lives. If a guy doesn’t respond to you or takes forever to respond and you are carrying the conversation, you’re going to delete this fools number. Because they clearly don’t care and why should you care? The most annoying answer I hear the most from guys and girls is this person is so hot it’s worth it. People will literally be treated like shit because that person is hot. Blows my mind…

Do you know how many hot guys there are that actually want to talk to you?!

Anyone that doesn’t have the time to text back, they are big time FUCKBOY.

Any guy that actually likes you and wants to see you will talk to you. So stop wasting your precious time on dumb and dumber.

5. The guy that doesn’t want to commit.

We’ve all been there, talked to someone for so long only to find out they don’t want to get serious or have the title of boyfriend and girlfriend but want to have their cake and eat it too. The ones that like you but not enough to commit. The ones that don’t want you to see other people but they are. They are the low key fuck boys in the world. The ones that have major issues. Any guy that can talk to one girl for months do everything you would do in a relationship but not want a title and shout to the world he’s dating you…. FUCKBOY. And that is straight to the point, there’s nothing else I can say about that one. You deserve a guy that will shout to the rooftops he’s dating you not someone who can’t even kiss you in public.

Oh Jupiter boy you were this guy. Such an idiot, and no one has even had the pleasure of meeting you yet on here to read the true masterpiece of what is, “low key fuckboy,” with interesting issues you probably still need to figure out. But that’s also another story.

Wow, I know all this foreshadowing, how exciting.

These are just some examples, ideas, tips I have for you. There’s a million more, that I’m sure you’ll think of when reading this. This fuckboy culture is an epidemic, so get your flu shot today.

And just one more thing I’d like to say to anyone out there that feels down or hurt because of some dense, played out, boring loser …

One day you’ll meet the love of your life and the endless bummers almost will feel like they were worth it. Because one day you’ll be cooking dinner in your future house laughing so hard, like the purest happiness you’ve ever had. You end the night on the couch with wine and a movie and nestled into their arms and look up and you see their eyes on yours and you totally forget what pain ever was, you forget the heartache that once was because you found your equal, your person. Someone that never did any of the traits above to you because they respected you. This is love, this is respect this is adulting. This is what every single one of you should hold out for.

Know the red flags, see them, accept it for what it is and move on. You’ll get your love story people, all in due time. But it would help if you listened to your friends once in awhile, your gut and possibly your parents?

They apparently do know best.

And I know I gave you some Easter eggs in this blog with some new stories with some new guys, so just wait.

To the people that appreciate me, thank you. To the Fuckboys who were in my life and the ones screwing up others lives, I hope you get an extreme case of diarrhea every time you do any of the tendencies above.

Guys start recognizing what you’re doing and Be better!

There may be a new someone sneaking up in my life and you may shit your pants when you find out who.

Stay tuned next week!

Advice of the day: anger is a healthy emotion to have, let that shit out. Just don’t punch anyone because jail is like a thing.

#sorrynotsorry