Dear mom and dad, don’t read my blog.
Okay where were we…. last time we chatted or I chatted and you listened we concluded that I like a boy, I’m a food whore, I met a guy in Los Angeles ghosted him and then met a co worker at a new job In LA who was drool worthy. Like I mean I got flustered when he looked at me, so flustered I couldn’t even work. It was like he was eye fucking me at all times. And I’m not usually the girl that goes up to a guy and gives them my phone number but holy shit this was going to be the time.
The girls and I at work were talking about for days how I just had to get the balls to go right up to him and give him my number, I mean he was basically asking for it. He had a higher position then me at work and fraternization via penis to vagina was not really praised by the owners, but a girl had to try. The day came when I finally was like I’m going to do this shit. My coworker pumped me up, and was going to wait for me to come back so we could leave together and either giggle like school girls or say fuck that guy if I got denied.
He worked in the catering department, which was the bottom level floor wise. I never ventured down there before, here goes nothing I thought. I walked down the stairs and looked to the right and then the left and did not see him. I panicked a little and kept walking, I didn’t want it to look like I was looking for him so I pretended to get supplies for upstairs. Like this place wasn’t that big, where the fuck was this guy… at this rate my arms were full of things I totally did not need. I walked down another area and got real nervous and hid in a pantry for a bit and paced back and fourth. I gave myself the Ali Baker pep talk which went a little something like this…. ” you are Ali Baker, you are that bitch, that guy is going to want to take your number and then make out with your face. “Now get out of this pantry and be a woman.”
That shit worked, I walked around the corner I asked another coworker where he was and then bam there he was right behind me just staring like he knew all along what was happening. “Alright Ali you got this.” I’m usually pretty awkward so I really didn’t know how this was going to go but the confidence was running though me like I had 17 cups of coffee and just ran the Boston marathon. “Come on brain you got this be cool,” I said to myself. I marched right up to him and said, “Hey, so I think we should totally go out sometime and you should take my number.”
I thought that was honestly the coolest thing I had ever said. And he looked so happy as if he was waiting for this moment. He goes, “of course i’d love to take you out.” He took my number, hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and told me he’d text me later after work. Every co worker watched this exchange between us, I could feel their eyes beaming. I turned around to leave and everyone quickly looked away and went back to what they were doing. I walked away all cool, hiding my intense smile and as soon as I was out of reach I ran up the stairs like it was the part of the movie where there’s that really happy song and you’re so happy for the main character because she got the guy. It was like that. Imagine the song “uptown girl” with a mix of “don’t you forget about me,” with the cool epic fist in the air at the end…. sweet sweet victory.
I ran over to my co worker all smiles and we grabbed our stuff and ran out. We laughed like middle school children and both couldn’t believe what just happened.
It was now a fact, Ali Baker was that bitch.
I know you’re all waiting for the kicker. Did he text me? Of course he did. He took me on one of the most memorable dates of my whole life. Like come on someone try and top him I dare you.
I’ll skip forward to the date because that’s where it gets good. We met at, don’t quote me but I want to say either the W hotel or the Mondrian on Hollywood blvd. I can’t exactly remember but either way both are celeb hotspots, very prominent places to go for nightlife and to be taken on a date to these places was a big deal. There was going to be live music which we both bonded over so he thought taking me to this private show would be something I liked, he was right.
It was amazing, our table was near the pool and we chatted for hours. He looked directly into my eyes and really listened to everything I was saying, you could tell he was a passionate dude, and too be honest I’ve had some experience with Cubans and they are all like that. He knew I was new to LA and he’s like you wanna get out of here, let me show you around. So we did, and it was a night I’ll never forget.
There was one place I was dying to go to since I moved to LA, which I didn’t even mention to him and by chance he took me. It was one of the coolest speakeasy’s around and very well known. You had to go through all these secret passageways and then through a closet and it opened up to an 1800th century home that was remodeled into a bar. The outside garden area had floating lights like Harry Potter!!!! My night was already complete. We sat by the fire and chatted and at this point I had to have been 4-5 drinks in so it was safe to say I was feeling some type of way.
He had his arm around me and it was then he asked if he could kiss me and in my head I was like, “hell yeah been waiting since drink 2 and a half.” So we kissed in this beautiful, magical floating lantern, court yard and those little butterflies down in my tummy came out of their cocoons all at once. Holy shit am I in lust with this man after one night and the night wasn’t even over? I don’t know if it was the tequila but I was just getting lost in his eyes. WHO AM I RIGHT NOW?
He then wanted to take me to a dance bar. No, not a club. A dance bar, where there was like Latin dancing you could say. I was so smitten, I was down for whatever. We danced for hours and at this point I was hammered. We were making out all over the place like high schoolers and honestly it was fantastic. Perfect date in a new city. It was around 2am when it was time to leave, and told me he would drive me home and I accepted. There’s one thing that really will most likely get you to a home run with me and that’s singing to me in Spanish. This guy serenaded me in Spanish, and like grabbing my face and my hands. I was done, game over you win you sly sly sorcerer of sex compulsion. He doesn’t even need to try anymore.
It’s safe to say he spent the night at my apartment. IT WAS GREAT, and that is all I’ll say because sometimes my parents like to read these things, sorry mom.
I guess you could say I was crushing pretty hard on him, we hung out a lot, went to happy hour or just chilled at his apartment. Work was getting weird because people started finding out, more specifically one manager that had a crush on him. He was working his last week, so it shouldn’t of been a problem. But this lady bitch manager got me fired because she had a crush on him and didn’t like the fact I was getting all the attention. If you want to know how I know this, I got friends in high places that know all the information. So, I got fired from a job because my 44 year old manager decided it wasn’t okay I liked someone my age and he liked me back. And if you’re wondering if there was a happy ending with me and the Cuban, there wasn’t, SHOCKER.
He wanted to have sex with anyone he could get his hands on which as first I obviously didn’t realize and I wasn’t about that lifestyle. I started seeing little red flags about him, things as a 25 year old woman I was trying to learn to stay away from. I started feeling like I was being lied too, which all us women know… that makes us CRAZY. At this point in my life I knew I didn’t want to fuck around anymore, my mom always said to date older guys that were ready to commit but who actually listens to their parents. But anyways, we had some good times me and that Cuban but at the end of the day there we’re no hard feelings, just different mindsets, I ended things and we never spoke again.
Meanwhile there were a group of guys that would always come to my bar (my second weekend job) they started to be my regulars and soon to be friends. And one of them may have been 10 years older than me but there was just something about him other than being gorgeous and I wanted to know more. We shall call him my future ex husband.
Until next time #sorrynotsorry
Advice of the week:
If he looks like he has chlamydia he probably has chlamydia.