You will see this pretty little PSA at the beginning of all these lovely love letters just to inform you on what is about to go down….
I have been inspired guys. If you haven’t already seen the movie or read the book, “To All The Boys I’ve loved before,” you should watch it to understand what I am going to be doing here for the next couple of weeks. This is my segment, where I will be writing to all the boys I loved before to not only promote the movie but so I can tell the world awkwardly about all the boys I’ve loved. I know you missed my dry humor and all around boss bitch approach to talking shit about boys. But for the next couple of weeks I will be digging far far far down in my soul to remember what I loved about these little sons of bitches. So here we go, starting in no specific order and changing names to protect my dignity, without further adieu,
My first crush, my first infatuation, my first love or what I thought was love for an eight year old. It all started in the spring of 2002, I was new to the neighborhood, the new kid on the block. I remember meeting you in the cul de sac you were one year older then me which I soon found out because we had the same birthday. From that moment on I knew we were going to get married. My eight year old self thought that since we had the same birthday we were just destined to be together, so that’s what I lived by until I was 15. You were the love of my younger life at one point and boy being in love with you was tough. Reason number one you didn’t notice me at all, or barely speak two words to me but when you did speak those two words it was like my world stopped, and oh the obsession grew. Obsessed was an understatement, thoughts of you were taking over my pre adolescence life. I wanted you to be my first boyfriend but it was kind of tough when you only looked at me as your brothers weird best friend. I remember when the whole neighborhood found out my secret. I happened to get a little too obsessed and made a song about you and as I was singing it, someone was spying on me, the tattle tale of Lake View Isles. The biggest secret I had thus far in my life was leaked, and oh god the embarrassment was REAL. You know when you’re younger and when one bad thing happens you think you’re life is going to end, well, that’s how I felt. So, I did what I did best buried my face in my pillow and cried and cried until there were no more tears. Every day all the boys made fun of me on the block every time you were around. I remember when you had your first girlfriend and it wasn’t me, boy did that hurt. I thought, was this boy ever going to notice how great I am, how funny I am, how perfect I am. Being so young, it hurt so bad. But I remember the day when you did notice me and it was like the heavens finally heard my wish that I prayed every night on my pillow, “oh lord please let me and Lance be together, oh please.” As I aged and started to crush on other boys in middle school and have other boyfriends to pass the time, there was that lingering thought of you still in the back of my head. Looking back, I don’t know how a little girl could get so obsessed with a boy. I remember our first kiss, I snuck out of my house to meet you. It was pretty late for a little 14 year old to be going out. I met you in your backyard and we kissed for the first time ever. I will always remember that night, a perfect starry night kissing the boy of my literal dreams. My whole adolescent life led me to this. It was basically the biggest point of my life this far. That kiss was everything I thought it would be and more. As I walked home smiling thinking about what just happened, my smile started to fade as the excitement or adrenaline was running its course through my body. Everything I fantasized about for years was over before it even began. Eight years I waited for that kiss and it was over in a flash. My crush for you slowly dwindled away after that, thank god. Any more years added on to liking you and I would have exploded. But I will always remember you as my first ever love. The boy from the cul de sac, that won my heart before he even knew my name. We grew up together, we have a lot of memories and I wouldn’t change them for the world. I wouldn’t want anyone else to be my first love, you played your part beautifully.
Stay tuned next week for another love letter and I think you not going to want to miss it.