You know the moment, when you know deep down you are about to get yourself into a sticky situation and then your brain starts processing all the pros and cons in like super speed but then your heart has to go and ruin it by making up some grand day dream about how what is about to happen is actually okay? Well, here I am standing in a kitchen, looking at a guy knowing I’m about to get myself into some shit. But I’ll start from the beginning.
WELCOME BACK, reporting live from by bedroom I am attempting to tell this story to the best of my abilities. It’s been awhile, but I’m back to share the dirt, the love, and all the awkward experiences I have gotten myself into. So, lets do this thing.
He wasn’t normally my type, but I always thought he was cute and I never thought much into it because he was my friend and that’s it, that’s all, nothing was ever suppose to happen but when life gives you lemons, you won’t make lemonade you’ll drop the lemons and then they’ll get run over by a semi truck and that’s life. At first he was off limits for me because he had dated a friend of a friend, and even though I really didn’t know her I just had my mind set on off limits and that’s how it was going to go.
We had mutual friends, so it wasn’t weird that we were always hanging out. He was nice, he was a good friend, always gave me the best advice about fuckboys and I appreciated him for that. I never thought he was into me, like I said I never thought much about him that way but that changed one night when lots of alcohol was involved.
WHY ALCOHOL, WHY!!
It was a normal night out with the crew, and I got well over the limit of intoxication. The night ended and we all went back to his house to either uber, or get our cars. I needed water ASAP because there was no way I was driving home and I didn’t want to sleep out. So, I stayed behind, anxiously chugging my water, because it crossed my mind, we had never been alone together before. And out of no where I started to think way too much into this situation like most gals do, and his hotness wasn’t helping. I knew I had to get out of here and fast. I got up and said, “okay I’m going to uhm leave now, bye.” I nervously turned around really fast, and he grabbed me and told me I was way too drunk too be driving and that I could sleep there. And that’s when my nerves got the best of me and I do this over active talking thing where I can’t shut up, and then I ramble and make no sense. And as I was doing that he started to move closer to me, and then I weirdly shouted, “I think you should stand over there, and I’m going to sit over here.” I sat on the counter and well he wasn’t listening to stay away from me because he came towards me, and this is the moment that I was talking about in the beginning (scroll up if you forgot).
Send Help, NOW!
My brain was over processing and I was like do I kiss him, do I want to kiss him, oh this is a bad, bad idea Ali. Then the heart kicked in and was like fuck the rules, fuck everything you know that is right in the world, forget your sanity because that flew out the window 2.5 seconds ago and kiss him! And then he leaned in and kissed me and I couldn’t fight it anymore. I kissed him back and then realized what was happening and jumped off the counter and proceeded to get to the door and leave as soon as possible. I went to grab the handle and that’s when shit hit the fan. He pushed me up against the door. I ended up not leaving if you were wondering, I’ll save the rest of the details of that night for me my brain and him.
As the months went on, I started to realize I may have actually caught feelings for him and I didn’t know how to handle that concept. And for once this guy didn’t make me overthink or doubt myself, I was pretty confident he actually really liked me. We went on dates, had cute hang outs where we would just drink wine and watch TV and be normal. I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable for once, because he was my friend first and that’s what made it comfortable and I could be myself, my very silly self. But of course all good things come to an end because I am an idiot and ruin all good things for myself.
OH, Ali let yourself be happy for once!
I ended up getting scared of what this could possibly turn into and turned into a total bitch out of nowhere. I wanted to kiss him, see him, hang out with him but instead I acted the opposite. I knew I was being a total psychopath and I couldn’t turn it off, I didn’t know what was wrong with me. And you guessed it he gave up on me and I would have too. I actually really did like this guy, but they say timing is everything and maybe it wasn’t the right time for me. And I bet you thought this story would have had a happy ending for me for once but not today my friends, not today.
But it’s okay because sometimes the bad things that happen in our lives big or small put us directly in the path to the best things that will ever happen.
P.s. I got him to be my friend again