Chapter 10 #sorrynotsorry

  
        Hi, I’m back you little horn dogs that love reading about my dating life. You don’t even know the shit I got myself into this time. Like Bizarre, tragic, gross situations. I swear I’m like a walking target for bullshit. This is what I do, I have a great thing going and then boom one day I wake up and don’t want a boyfriend anymore? What is wrong with me? No, please I’m asking for someone to explain it to me. I have drew who is this great guy who reignited my light, and then one day I wake up and I don’t feel like having a boyfriend anymore. Like my head wants me to throw away something good. Makes no damn sense. I ask myself am I not in love with him anymore, or did I ever really love him to begin with? Was it just lust? No I definitely had love for this boy.  And then I find myself laying on my closet floor for an hour eating twizzlers with these questions invading my brain trying to find answers on why am I such a weirdo. Well, long story short as you can see me and Drew didn’t work out. I know you were hoping for this chapter to be some fairytale about how we ran off into the sunset and got married on the beach and had five kids. No beach, no sunset, and god, ew no kids. Yes, my light was given back to me and six months of dating made me realize that’s all I really needed. I know it’s a bitchy thing to say but it’s true. That kid saved me and brought me back from the darkness I was surrounded by for so long. He was a gift from god, too be honest. I hated hurting him and seeing him hurt because he loved me so much but I had to do what made me happy and being in this relationship was something I had to let go of. Do you know what happens next? Crazy ass shit. Hook-ups, bad dates. Damon finds his way back to me. Remember super hot Damon with the tattoos? Oh I do. And unfortunately Sociopath makes a reappearance after not seeing him for two years. You’re really going to want to keep reading, especially the nervous breakdown chapter that one’s a hoot. So this is me, the real Ali, the light, happy, carefree, no baggage one. Here goes nothing?

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  I have to get out of here, this is too much for me. My heart is racing. I can’t breathe. My lungs feel like they are about to explode out of my chest. I’m going to die. Someone help me. 

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              Lumberjack chronicles 
  
      Okay so the last time we chatted I was madly in love with Drew and thought I found my fairy tale and all that shit. Well, yeah it obviously didn’t happen. Now I’m here drunkenly exploring my nights with beer goggles on and a drink always in hand. I have gone off the deep end some of you might say, like my mother. Who still to this day does not understand why I left the best guy in the world, yeah join the club mother! I don’t know why I did either. But now I find myself here in a spiral somewhere in between insane and manic. Days after me and Drew broke up I was in the club living like I had just awoken from a spell sort of like sleeping beauty minus true loves kiss. I was just in the club twerking because apparently that’s what I do now with my new found single hood. And remember like I said before I don’t twerk. And this is where it all sorta got out of control. I was in pain that no one could see, I mean I couldn’t even see it until it was too late. The way I was drinking should have been a sign to someone close to me that something wasn’t right but no one caught on. And so I continued down the path of least resistance and let me just say I’m not proud of the certain situations I got myself into but at this point Ali Baker was a Rock star well at least partying like one. I had a whole new identity then before. Whatever was going on with me I liked it. I was happy partying and meeting guys, and enjoying my friends company. And this is where I shall begin, let me re introduce someone a little too familiar and his name is Damon. 
     Remember super hot, Mcdreamy Damon, well I do and he is even hotter than before. It all happened one October night at a place I like to call Moonfest where all the adults come out to play. It was suppose to be a good night, it was suppose to be fun but then we ran into Drew and his friends which use to be my friends but we all know how break ups go. People pick sides and well since they were all boys I guess it was “bros over hoes.” That gathering didn’t go all too well, it was a lot of arguing, yelling, and pure buzz kill. When I finally managed to get away from the chaos, me and my friend Jenny walked into the pizza place to find our zen which was indulging in amazing pizza. As we waited in line for some reason Damon came to my mind. I was wondering what he was doing and if he still had a girlfriend and as we turned around to leave I bumped into someone and almost dropped my pizza on the floor. When I looked up it was none other than Damon himself. Honestly I almost fainted. He was dressed as a lumberjack. If I had any fantasy in the whole world that was it. And it was right infront of me. All I kept saying to myself was, “Ali form a sentence with actual words, don’t be a creep, and don’t be awkward.” Well he was excited to see me too I guess, he hugged me almost immediately and asked me how I was. We flirted and that was it. I walked away with the biggest smile on my face. Boy was he hot. That night I decided to text him. It was one of those inevitable drunk texts, I know guys I’m the worst at this. But whatever I’m still going to do it. I sent him a simple text saying that he was one hot lumberjack and that was it. Do you know that this jerk never texted me back like ew. I took the time out of my drunken night to text you, never again buddy. You can betcha bottom dollar on that.
     He actually did end up texting me back a couple days later apologizing for the delay. And to my surprise he wanted to hang out with me. We didn’t really end up on that good of terms the last time so I was surprised. Damon wanted to take me out on a date. Well, there is a first time for everything. Oh, repeats are not suppose to happen, but I couldn’t help myself. All that kept replaying in my mind was sexy, hot, lumberjack. I had to see him. As the days grew closer I was beyond nervous. How was I suppose to act, what was I suppose to say? Do I tell him I’m writing a book about my whole dating life and he’s a character in it? No, Ali definitely don’t have word vomit and say that one. This was going to be fine, I wasn’t going to say anything embarrassing or be weird. The time was here and I had to go pick him up because his car was in the shop, which I kind of had some reserves about because it was a first date and everything but either way I went and picked him up and we went to a restaurant. Fast forward to our date and it was actually pretty awesome catching up. I wasn’t nervous and I felt comfortable talking to him and laughing. At the end of the night I dropped him off and I think we were both a little drunk and he grabbed my face and kissed me and held onto my face like he didn’t want to let go. You could tell in the kiss how much he missed me and I felt the same way back. I was so intensely happy, I had to see him again and be kissed like that again. Maybe he was different like he said, I mean he had a real job now and he had a car even if it was broken. Maybe all this was supposed to be happening, or maybe not. Honestly all I wanted was for this hot lumberjack to take me to his bedroom. But this little lady was going to wait a little while longer because I definately was a little suspicious and didn’t want to jump into anything too soon.

     After our first night seeing each other again after awhile, we couldn’t get enough of each other. I think we were both just really excited to be around each other again and the sex was good to say the least the last time around. One night I got off of work and I really wanted to see Damon but he was with his friends and they didn’t want to come to the bar I was at. I was pretty bummed because seeing his hot face after a long day at work taking orders from old people always made a girl feel better. After I downed a couple of beers which Then turned into shots and a couple of flirty texts later I found myself driving to his house late at night and we all know what this girl was about to do. P.S. Save the judgment for someone who cares. The last person I slept with was Drew and it was time to just let go and let my freak flag fly. 

    I ended up picking him up and driving him to my house since I had my own house, which was a lot more romantic then hooking up with a boy and his parents being in the same building. After the deed was done we fell asleep. I woke up to Damon cuddling me and as it turns out I don’t like to cuddle It actually makes me want to scream. I kind of wanted to get up and sleep on the couch, but of course I didn’t. I laid there awake for hours as Damon slept like a baby as I sweated to death. Days went by after our little whatever you want to call it and we hadn’t really talked other then asking what each other was doing that night and not even hanging out anyways. So of course my OCD self had me thinking all kinds of things and I had to know what we were to ease my over thinking even if had only been a couple weeks. If we were just casually hooking up I needed to know. Or what if he wanted more. I couldn’t give him that. The idea of dating a boy this moment in time actually made me want to vomit. Long story short we both realized again that this was not going to work, we just weren’t right for each other.  Which was pretty fucking obvious the first time around. If you think this made me upset it didn’t. I honestly just wanted to have fun and live my life and causal hook ups were what I needed. Nothing too serious, nothing complicated , something super easy. Here’s a lesson don’t go back to old meat, it’s old, smelly and spoiled for a reason. 

#sorrynotsorry 

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